Posts Tagged Happiness
Does Anyone Need Personal Development?
Posted by pintpuller in Personal development on December 16, 2009
Copyright (c) 2009 Willie Horton
Even though the vast majority of my clients are business people, I sometimes get to work with young children – by “young” I mean children who have not reached that psychological watershed of somewhere between eleven and twelve years. That’s when a child’s sponge-like open-mindedness begins to close down – as the child moves from being a child into adolescence and onward, God help them, into adulthood.
I have often lamented the fact that the vast majority of children will “grow up” to become “normal” adults. On one occasion, Jack (a fifteen-year-old) explained to me how some of his schoolmates were behaving badly, one or two of them had got into drugs and they had generally become not nice people (they were not his exact words!). Jack concluded, however, “I can’t wait to be an adult because, I assume, that when people become adults all that bad behaviour stops!” Ouch! I had to tell him that that was simply not the case. In general, so-called “normal” adults simply do not know how to behave themselves – it’s not a conscious evaluation of what “behave” means, because years of psychological work has concluded that normal people are incapable of conscious evaluation – they live unconsciously, ceding all responsibility for their behaviour to their automatic subconscious. In effect this means that open-minded children develop into normal, mindless, automatic adults.
Is it possible that we can actually call that “development”? Indeed, what does what does the whole concept of “Personal Development” actually mean?
Personal Development is big business – just Google the phrase and you’ll find out how big! Personal Development accounts for a growing market sector in the traditional publishing industry as so-called self-help and popular psychology books abound. And, yet, the fact of the matter is that, at this very moment in time, there are far more mindless people on this planet than at any time in this planet’s history. Research indicates that the rise of this mindlessness went hand-in-hand with the rise of the nation state – starting with the rise of the Sumarian empire some 3,500 years ago. And, in the intervening period, the tribal way of life – where everyone looked after everyone else – has gradually died out.
As a result, modern “developed” society is one where mindlessness is the norm – that’s why “normal” people can be best described as “normal”. It is a derogatory term – because seven decades of psychological work concludes that normal people are mindless and mad. They invest just about 1% of their energy in doing what they’re supposed to be doing. Their subconscious minds live in the past – but because it’s subconscious, they’re not even aware of it. It’s horrible – and we can see the results every day in the way people treat each other at home, at work and on the international stage.
So why would any child submit to the idea of becoming a normal adult? Is it not normal adults that squeeze the capacity for abnormal unlimited abundance out of our children. After all, it’s perfectly feasible for a seven-year-old to believe that she can be a famous actress or singer, that he can be a world-class footballer, or that they can be astronauts – until parents, teachers and the whole system conspires to try to drag those “unrealistic” dreams back to reality.
So, back to the key question – does anyone need “personal development”? Or should we, as normal adults, be talking about un-developing ourselves? Our children (who will, if nothing changes, inevitably grow into normal adults) have their view of the world the right way around. They experience the moment – the much vaunted “Now” that great minds from the Buddha and Jesus Christ to Tony de Mello and Ekhart Tolle have talked about. Young children are generally not pre-occupied with worry and they do not live in the past. Contrast this with the normal adult whose subconscious is buried in the past, whose conscious is dancing around to the distractive music of constant useless thought – often worrying about the future.
Have you children? Do you want to squeeze the life out of them – an inevitability of mindless normal adult behaviour? You were once a child – how about becoming childlike again? Is it not the case that the normal adult needs some personal un-development? Do we not need to strip away the nonsense that our past-focused subconscious minds impose upon our “life” in the present moment? Should children should be teaching adults – not the other way around?
Humanistic psychologists – those working on the psychology of happiness (and we all yearn for happiness) have long been of the view that adults need to “unlearn”. We don’t need to learn anything new – it is in our nature to be happy, content and focused in the joy of experiencing the here and now. And it is in the here and now that you will truly find peace of mind. Wouldn’t you like that? Wouldn’t you like to be effortlessly happy and successful?
The journey starts here. All you have to do is become, once again, childlike. All you have to do is experience the present moment (with no focus on the past or worry about the future). All you have to do is come to your senses. You have five of them – use them.
The Top 5 Reasons to Start Personal Development
Posted by pintpuller in Personal development on December 14, 2009
The words personal development, self development and self improvement, all one and the same, have been bandied about for decades. Best sellers have been written and bought and have given some people the boost that they needed to change their life. Yet many have languished on the bookshelf, never read or acted upon. In this time of world wide economic downturn, the personal development industry is booming as people seek meaning and direction in their lives. But what is personal development, what can it do for you?
1. Almost every person has beliefs that they have a very strong relationship with, having cultivated that belief for a long time. Some of these are given to us when we are very young as gifts from our parents, grandparents or other people like teachers who we may have grown to love and trust. These beliefs must be right so we hold on to them very tightly as guide posts for the way we live our lives. Often though, these beliefs hold us back from achieving all that we possibly could. As an example you may believe that everyone grows up and gets a job, they work hard at that job, they earn an income and look forward to the day that they can retire. Perhaps you then wish, at some point in your life, to buy a business but you find that you can not quite do it. You really want to, you have done heaps of research, you have even found the perfect business. But you still can not take that leap of faith that is required.
Could it be that your belief that you grow up and get a job is so strong that it overrules your desire to be your own boss? Limiting beliefs such as these can and do hold many people back from their dreams and a life of freedom. The best personal development programs will help you to clear limiting beliefs form your life, leaving you in the driving seat and not some misguided but well meant messages that you received in the past.
2. Perhaps, like many people, you have spent years wondering what your real purpose is in life. Well what if I told you that it is to be happy, enjoy life and have fun. Would your life right now qualify for any of these titles?
You will contribute far more to your work and the community, not to mention your family and friends if you are happy and enjoying yourself. There has been ample research done around this very subject and there are now happiness gurus and even laughter experts who will help you to find this very essence of life; happiness, enjoyment, pleasure and fun. Just imagine how you would feel to hear your children say “my dad/mum is great fun, we have crazy times together”. Through personal development you will have every opportunity to create a lifetime of happiness, fun and laughter. That is your main work and personal development will help you to do it.
3. Do you have a burning desire to achieve prosperity at every level; financially, in relationships, physically, emotionally, with your lifestyle and have plenty of time? Sometimes I hear people talk about prosperity as if it is only about money while others talk about prosperity from a much broader perspective. One of my clients recently told me that to her, prosperity was about the feeling of success and that she felt successful when she had time to herself without having to be working her business and she had the freedom to make her own decisions in relation to travel, where she lived and on what she spent her money. She went on to say that having this feeling of success in all areas of her life was being prosperous. Successful and prosperous people are usually devotees of personal development.
4. Personal development will help you to become the person you want to be. Often people have carried with them from childhood, a dream to be a certain person. This might be a person who helps others, a person who changes the way we treat the environment, or a person who changes the policies of government so that there is a fairer go for more people. Whatever, personal development helps you to realise those dreams; to reconnect with them in the first instance and to work out how to take personal action to achieve them. You can be the person you truly want to be and you could even be better!
5. Through using personal development strategies and actions you can act to make the world a better place; you can spread generosity and appreciation wherever you go. Learn how to shift your focus from those things that you do not like to see to those things that you do like to see and then how to make room in your life by being generous and compassionate with others. Now that has got to be a good thing.
Now that you know a little about what personal development is and what it can do for you, I would love to hear from you about what you have been doing and found that works. Or how may resources you have sitting in your own personal library, languishing, untouched and why.
Do You Have A Life Plan?
Posted by pintpuller in Personal development on October 2, 2009
During the course of our daily lives, we make plans. We make plans for dinner, for trips to the grocery store, and for cleaning our house. We also make long-term plans for our education, our finances, our businesses, and our vacations. However despite all the planning that we do very few of us actually make a life plan and this is a critical oversight as a life plan would encompass all those areas as well as our self development, personal relationships and happiness.
We all have the capacity for happiness and success in every area of our lives including our personal development, our relationships, and our professional lives, but happiness and success do not just happen. We must actively seek them out and set in motion plans and actions that will make them not only possible but probable.
That is why you need a life plan, but actually creating one takes time and thought — something so many of us have little to spare. However don’t begrudge the time you could spend on a life plan because in the end that time is a very good investment that will help you save time and stress once you have your life plan fully developed. And isn’t anything that can help you achieve happiness and success a worthwhile investment of your time and energy?
Where You Are Now
Before you can begin crafting your life plan you must evaluate your current status. Reflect on the realities of your life including your commitments, finances, and dreams. What about your life makes you happy and what makes you unhappy?
Where are you now in terms of work, recreation, relationships, finances, and anything else you consider important. For example, I consider it important that my life contributes to the greater good and I have friends who consider the long-term impact of their life is an important measure.
Rate each of these areas with a letter grade with “A” of course being the highest score for the best possible life. Then calculate your overall life grade. Obviously if you have a 4.0 then your life is on track, but anything less means there are some areas you will need to work on.
It is important to identify the areas of your life that you consider successful or at least on track to success as well as the areas that you would like to improve.
Let Your Dreams Out
A big part of creating your life plan is letting yourself dream of what your ideal life would include in all the key areas you identified above (career, relationships, etc.).
Don’t worry about realities or impossibilities. Just give your heart and mind free reign to picture everything you wish your life could be in terms of relationships and family; profession and career; finances and retirement; and how you’d like to spend your time (travel, hobbies, etc.).
If money and other considerations were not a factor what would you do with your time and your life? What gets you really excited? What have you always wanted? What do you love to do (professionally or personally).
Step Back Into Reality
Note the abilities, experience and strengths you already possess that can help you live your ideal life.
Make a list of the accomplishments you are most proud of in your professional and personal life. Can any of these help you achieve your idea life?
Evaluate your work style and habits. Do you work better alone, in a group, or as a manager? What time of day is your peak performance? How many hours a day or week are you capable of working at a high level of performance?
Now Make Your Plan
Once you have created a vision of your dream life and evaluated your strengths and weaknesses then you are better able to create a plan that will help you achieve your ideal life.
Perhaps your dream is to own your business but currently you don’t have any experience with management So find a way to gain that experience through your professional work or in a volunteer capacity.
Now that you know where you want your life to go and you know how far along that path you have progressed then it is simply a matter of working toward your goal to achieve that life of happiness and success you desire.
Personal Development: Tips For Living Life With Passion!
Posted by pintpuller in Personal development on September 14, 2009
We all want to lead full, happy lives…so why is it that so few of us do?
If it’s time you took a good look at your own life and gave it an overhaul, don’t wait another minute. Whether we like to admit it or not, the clock is ticking for each of us. Make each moment count by actually putting into place the practices which will bring you joy and rekindle the passion in your life.
This has nothing to do with anyone else – it’s all about YOU! Following are some tips to help you make the most of each day and ensure you are living your life to the fullest. While they may not sound positive and easy, this is all about being effective. These few key areas are where you can put new practices into place and give yourself the gift of a happier, more satisfying life.
GOALS: The trick here is to make them YOURS. Not what your Mom wants, nor what your guidance counselor told you was right for you…but what YOU want. Have you even thought about this lately? Many people have not thought about what they truly want in years. This is partially due to the vague notion that many carry around that says ‘some day I’ll have more time to figure it out and then I’ll get what I want’. This is NOT how it works…some day is NOW. Tomorrow will never come, and our time here is limited. You can either choose for this to be a depressing thought and turn away from it, or face it straight on and FREE YOURSELF. Today is all we have – live it up! Dream with passion! PLAN to do things you love and which are fun…there is no time like the present!
PRIORITIES: In these busy times, it is time we realize that we cannot do it all. We can create everything we want, but the fact remains that we only have 24 hours in a day, and there will simply be things that slip through the cracks. Therefore, the more we hone our focus and decide what our priorities are, the better we can live each day from that focus, and accomplish more of the things that matter to us as individuals.
This is not goal-setting. Goals ARISE from this work, and allow you to accomplish those things that you wish to. Rather, this allows us to live each day with a strong sense of purpose, aliveness and joy.
The trick to living this way is two-fold: the first is to invest the time to look at your life overall and decide what you want it to be about. A good way to think about this is to look at the end of your life. Ask yourself what you will regret most if you don’t change it? What do you want said about you when you’re gone? What kind of a legacy would you like to leave? What will you wish you had done?
The second part ties your priorities and your goals together. The best two tips in this area I have heard in years are extremely simple: 1) Make a list every night of the five things you must accomplish tomorrow, and then DO THEM tomorrow, in the order of those you want to do least first. 2) Ask yourself each day: What can I do today that I’ll be glad I did tomorrow? This one step is amazingly powerful, as you will see after a few days.
VISION: How many times have you heard that you must visualize what you want in order to get it? Did you know that in studies with Olympic-caliber athletes, tests have shown that they performed just as well after visualizing themselves going through the motions with precision, as when they actually practiced physically?
Additionally, in brain and muscle tests, all the same neurons in the brain and muscle fibers in the body were activated during intense visualization as during the actual athletic endeavor. Amazing? YES!
Use this to your advantage in your own life! Practice and improve your ability to clearly and precisely picture yourself being in the situations you wish to create. Make use of guided meditations, visualization techniques, and whatever you find helpful in creating and maintaining a clear vision of what you want.
HEALTH: This has been addressed in many places, but my two best tips are:
Eat less, and more often. Studies have shown that those who eat less actually survive longer, and with this happy, passionate life you are building you’ll want to prolong it as much as you can! Also, eating smaller amounts every 3-4 hours serves to boost your meatabolism and burn more fat…helping you to be healthier and have more energy. Think of your metabolism like a fire…consistently feed it in little amounts. If you starve it or smother it, the results will be less to your liking.
The second tip is to get moving, and do it consistently. This one thing, if you are not already doing it, will make a huge difference for you. Go for walks, take up new sports – do whatever you have to do to stay active, and enjoy increased energy and stamina, as well as more clarity in your thoughts.
ROLE MODELS: Get some new ones. Look for people and situations which empower you, and remind you of the magnificence of the human spirit and what is possible. This lifts you out of your narrow, everyday focus, and gives you a broader perspective.
There you have it…a few key ingredients to living a life with passion! Of course there are many more things you can do, however the fundamentals need to be put in place for people to really feel energy, passion, happiness, and a sense of purpose.
Enjoy, and go create your dreams!
What Is Personal Development?
Posted by pintpuller in Personal development on September 13, 2009
Personal development is all about change, an over arching term that includes many different approaches to self-improvement. Personal development in its largest context could encompass anything that involves personal growth on all levels, meaning physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Exploring personal development takes a willingness to look at ourselves with extreme honesty and examine ways we want to change and improve. Pain is a great motivator for change. Investigating our pain where we are not our best takes bravery. It might be hard at first to face the reality of our weaknesses, but this ability to be self reflective makes our lives easier in the long run. Out of this process we change and develop into being a better friend, better life partner, better employee, better boss, better entrepreneur, etc. We can have more peace and happiness in our lives. This process helps us create an easier life with less suffering for ourselves, others and the planet.
In psychology, personal development can be thought of as a comprehensive exploration using a number of methods, approaches, and theories. It explores the issues surrounding our childhood development and examines personal power and identity. This psychological viewpoint would involve the development of what we call the ego. When we are developing this personal dimension of our being, it could be said that we are refining our egos.
Many of us are drawn to personal development because of some sort of suffering. Experiences like anxiety, depression, grief, divorce, difficult relationships, parenting conflicts, career challenges, health problems and other common human struggles help us decide to pursue a resolution. Exploring these struggles often involves getting to better know our internal thoughts and feelings. As we work with the difficult issues that arise we can work towards integrating and transforming these difficulties into pathways of healing. We can even start to see these problems as our teachers or as opportunities. Instead of avoiding our difficult issues, we can use them as guides to our wholeness and happiness. This empowers and helps bring us to our deepest potential. Learning from the journey and integrating these difficult parts takes us closer to living our lives to the fullest, therefore connecting us to our true selves. We are able to then live a more balanced and harmonious life.
Personal growth and development take work and concentration and yet it is worth every bit of effort. Some ways to help in our journey of personal development are psychotherapy, life coaching, self-help books, group therapy, 12 step programs, meditation, and journaling, along with self-improvement workshops and seminars. Psychotherapy is a great personal development tool. It is one of the fastest, most direct ways of working on personal issues and the ego.
The difficult parts of our personality and the wounded aspects of our ego cause us to be preoccupied with nonproductive sabotaging thoughts and feelings that don’t allow us to relax. Ego could be defined as our conscious mind or our conscious experience of our own identity. When we’ve integrated these painful parts of ourselves or painful parts of our ego enough, we are able to relax, sink down and live from more of our greatness. Sinking down into our greatness allows us to go beyond the ego into a larger context that contains all aspects of who we are, including our ego, body and our spirit. The more refined, healed and integrated we become, the easier it is to find and stabilize that deeper, higher, larger connection. One could call this larger connection a spiritual connection with God, Wholeness, Ultimate Reality, Christ Consciousness, All That Is or the ultimate Truth from your spiritual tradition. It is these uncomfortable personal issues that keep us blocked from opening to the grace and wholeness that is always available to us.
In spiritual circles, we often hear that the goal is to “get rid of the ego.” In my experience, that usually doesn’t work well as a goal. To have the fullness of what is possible we don’t want to bypass or get rid of the ego. People usually find that the unhealed ego just runs the show behind the scenes. A wounded, tense ego is always worried and trying to position itself to be better than everyone else. We believe we have to be better to survive. The wounded ego is also continuously fearful and works to protect the self from the outside world. Conversely, a healthy ego is what keeps us grounded in the world and allows us to be able to function well every day and build a richer life.
When we have a more healed ego, life feels easier and we don’t experience extreme ups and downs. This allows us to grow into who we came to be. This encourages the unveiling of our deeper wisdom, inner mystic and inner guidance. We feel more in harmony with all of life. A relaxed ego can be flexible and is not preoccupied with itself. Therefore, we can be self reflexive rather than self conscious and always concerned with how we are doing. A relaxed or healed ego can move well through life. The person with a relaxed ego is able to find his or her place in the world. From this more healed state and in our own unique way, we can take appropriate actions to help ourselves, others and the planet. Isn’t that worth taking the pathway to healing?